Displaced Agrression ang PEG

Ano 'to, DIVERSION??? Dahil sa ikaw lang ang pini-pressure nila gumawa ka ng paaran para ma-pressure din ako?! Oh c'mon. I thought you are better than that. Sumasakit ang loob mo na ikaw lang so ngayon nakakita ka ng dahilan para i-pressure din ako? Akala ko ba I can make my own decisions tapos ngayon you will threaten me? As if you rule my life.

Akala ko ba wala kang insecurities kasi you don't have any reasons to have one. Eh ano 'to ngayon?! Pagdating sakin, pag di mo gusto ang ginagawa ko, gumagawa ka ng paraan; good or bad. Pero pag ikaw, okay lang. Masyado ba akong makwento kaya nalalaman mo ang lahat that'y why kaya mo akong sumbatan unlike sayo sinasarili mo lang para walang masabi sayo? Pa-safe lang ang peg??? Nakakainis kasi parang ako lang palagi ang may ginagawang mali tapos ikaw wala.

Kelan mo ba talaga ako maiintindihan katulad ng pagintindi ko sayo? Pag ikaw ang gumagawa ng ganito, ini-intindi ko. I support you and I don't judge you. Pinapabayaan lang kita tha's why nasasabi mo sakin ang mga hinanakit mo. Eh pano naman ako?? Kung sa unang buka palang ng bibig ko, kontra kana agad? Tapos di ka pa marunong makipag-compromise? Di ka marunong mag-confront kaya ang ginagawa mo nagdedesisyon ka lang all by your self tapos di man lang alam ng concerned parties tapos ii-impose mo nalang. DICTATORSHIP ang peg? Pisti talaga! Masyado ta ikaw ina-idolize kaya masyado man ako nadi-disappoint sa imo. Akala ko pa isa sa principle mo is, you don't have the responsibility to please others. Pero alam mo kung ano ang nararamdaman ko ngayon? I have to follow and obey you para ma at-peace ka.Hindi ba contradicting ang principle mo sa ginagawa mo? Kulang ka sa application ng sarili mong paniniwala. Diba ganun talaga ang labas. Tapos sasabihin mo pa na if I disobey you, papauwin mo ako? Wow nahiya naman ako. Imposer of self-interest? Kung gusto mong umuwi, umuwi ka mag-isa mo. May nalalaman ka pang, "you will not like the consequences of your actions". May krimen ba akong nagawa? At bakit, ikaw ba ang ruler ng life ko para ikaw ang mag-decide at mag-impose ng consequence ko? Sobra mo pa ang law-makers ah; YOU ARE GUILTY BASED ON PERSONAL JUDGMENT. Yun ba yun. 

The most EVIL VILLAIN I know

Ever since talaga, kahit 'nung mga sinaunang kwento hindi talaga nawawala sa story ang KONTRABIDA. Mapa-love story man yan, comedy, thriller, horror o kahit walang kwentang story, di nabubuo ang isang kwento ng walang kontrabida. Kasi nga sabi nila, yun daw ang nagpapadagdag ng twist at nagiging interesting ang story pag may ganun.

And in the real life, syempre mawawala ba ang napaka-importanteng character.

MY GOD! Tapos na ang Holy Week, bakit nagpe-penetensya pa ako? Late na yun ah. Don't make my life a living hell dahil lang sa hindi mo maiayos ang buhay ng sarili mong pamilya. Ni wala ka ngang pakialam sa mga anak mo kung may natutulugan sila, may nakakain pa ba o kung buhay pa. Tapos ngayon bigla kang magpo-portray as if you are a very good mother whose always there for her sons and the only thing that matter is the sake of her children. Oh come'on. Sinong niloko mo? Pasalamat ka nga eh may nagmamalasakit pa sa mga anak mo. May nagbibigay ng mga bagay na dapat ikaw ang magbigay kaso hindi mo naibibigay. Tapos ngayon ikaw pa ang malakas ang loob na sindakin ang mga taong tumutulong sa mga anak mo? Kung iisipin mo ng mabuti, wala kang naibibigay kaya humihingi ng tulong sa ibang tao ang mga anak mo. Mag-isip ka naman. Pagkatapos mo silang pabayaan, ikaw pa ang malakas ang loob?!

Oo, ina ka nila, magulang ka nila. Pero hindi natatapos dun ang pagiging nanay mo. May responsibilidad ka sa kanila. Kung iisipin hindi nga responsibilidad kasi dapat kusa yung binigigay kasi anak mo, hindi lang kung sinong tao.

And if you think you can tame me? Go suit your self but you are not the person that will scare me; SURE AS HELL.

Only the two of us!

Just WOW! It was really fun being with you again. Parang wala lang nagbago ah aside sa "romantic relationship". Sabi na, we can be very good friends after all what happened! Masaya ako kasi nakakasama kita ulit ng walang conflict. We can again talk through lights out and about everything. You teaches me new things and tells me about life. I, on the other hand, continues to encourage and support you. Maybe that is the reason why we are having fun while we are together. Maybe others won't understand what's between us but for me it is something especial that only the two of us can understand!

Hey! balik ka agad. It's a long way for us yet.

My Wish

Alam mo kung ano yung winish ko last night?!

"Na sana pag umalis ka ulit, di na ako masaktan."

Anxiety..

I don't know what's happening to me. Kelan lang ako natakot sa tomboy??? Duh! I have friends like that pero hindi naman ako natatakot. They don't affect me like these two affecting me. I shouldn't feel this way but I can't help it. I am a Social Worker and I should be neutral to all sexuality. Oh my God!

Kapag andito sila, I feel suffocated! Di ako makahiga, di ako makagalaw ng normal and I can't breathe! (literally). I am not comfortable with them around. They are my friends, actually. The first time I've met them, I don't feel this way and I am not like this. I am very fond of their presence but it just turned around. One day I feel like my whole body is shaking because I am afraid of them. Why should I be afraid when in the first place, they've done nothing wrong. Hala! I need to assess myself because this is unfair! I know it is.

You'll never GET OVER, you'll just GET USED to it...nga ba???

I don't know what happened or what's happening. Alam ko naman na I will always care for you, always. Di nga kita natitiis diba? Whenever you ask me a favor I always find ways para mapabigyan ka that's why I don't know what happened last night.

The other night, when I saw again for about two months, I was very excited and nervous and I don't know. My knees are shaking, actually my whole body is shaking. Maybe because I don't know what to expect. I always look forward on seeing you since January and when you said that you will come here for work. That night when you asked me if we could see each other, I would honestly say that that is what I've been praying to hear from you. That is the first thing I want you to do when you get here. When I already saw you, you obviously seen my big big wide smile. I couldn't stop smiling. That effect of yours whenever we are together has not been change. I mean, whenever we are talking and we're together, I always feel happy and everything seems light like no problems at all.

Last night is the same thing. I was happy seeing you and talking to you and being with you however, something has changed.  Actually, after our beak-up, the feelings I have for you has not been changed, in my opinion. I mean, kilig-to-the-bones effect and you know, the in-love-thing that's why I was very surprised last night. When we are doing what we always do, I don't know why but I can't feel that same charisma I had for you. It's like your just another good friend of mine or whatever. The very first thing that came to my mind is, "nawala yung SPARK". I don't if that is really true or I am not just used to your presence yet. I don't know. Maybe it is a good thing that I can evaluate myself and assess how far I've come without you. I would also treat it as an experiment to myself. Still hoping for the best for the both of us.

BOYS will always be BOYS

I just needed someone to talk to. Ang dami-dami ng nangyayari.

First ikaw S. Di ko alam kung tama na hinahayaan ko na maging parte ka ulit ng buhay ko. Akala ko kasi nung una, okay na ako pero ngayon bakit parang bumabalik ang sakit. Wala na akong katiwa-tiwala sayo pero gusto ko pa ding tulungan ka. Alam ko kasi na ang kailangan mo ay isang taong hinding-hindi magsasawa na intindihin ka at tulungan ka. Pero minsan naiisip ko din na wag nalang kaya, minsan naiisip ko din na gingamit mo lang naman ako pero okay lang yun sakin. Kahit sinasabi mo na hindi, alam kong ginagamit mo lang ako either intentionally or not. Sa ngayon okay lang sa akin kasi kaya ko namang tumulong pero paano na pag dumating na naman yung time na masanay na naman ako sa presence mo? Paano na ako? Di naman pwede na ibalik natin yung dati kasi yun nga ang sumira sa akin eh, remember?! Ako na naman ang magiging kawawa kasi titiisin ko na naman lahat ng sakit. Pero mas di ko kayang makita na ganyan ka at alam ko lang naman na kayang kitang tulungan kaya hanggat kaya ko, tutulungan kita pero tandaan mo dadating at dadating yung araw na kahit kaya kitang tulungan hindi ko na gagawin kasi hindi na tama. Sana maisip mo yun. Sa ngayon may tumutulong pa sayo pero kung mapapansin mo, paunti na ng paunti ang mga taong yun. I can't stop caring for you but don't push me on doing something that I don't want just to help you again and again and again. Kasi minsan may mga nagagawa ako na di tama para lang matulungan ka. Di mo yun alam kasi ayoko na isipin mo na sinusumbat ko lahat ng gingawa ko para sayo dahil choice ko din naman yun. Sana lang maisip mo lahat ng ginagawa ko para sayo; sana bigyan mo ng importansya.

Second, you Y. I did not really expect na magagawa mo yun sa akin. Pumayag ako na sumama sayo kasi may tiwala ako sayo. Alam ko kasi na di mo yun magagawa sa akin but it turns out that I perfectly wronged you. You had taken advantage of the situation last night. I was really shocked of what you did and to make you stop, I had to cry even if I don't want to. I did not say anything because I don't want to say something I will regret. However, I am really frustrated right now since I'm a bit shock and traumatize of what happened. It sink in to me late 'cause I though I can handle the situation. Nakakalungkot lang isipin na unti-unti akong naniniwala sa sinasabi nila na lahat ng lalaki, pare-pareho lang, isa lang ang habol sa babae. Sana ngayon lang 'to kasi unfair naman sa ibang lalaki.